Who are you laughing on my sky?
I forgot where you rise.
Maybe you aren’t a star and I
Just saw the light through your eyes.

With the heart torn and your hand tense
You said “thee” to me, but I
Was already flying for a long while
And you were only hearing your cry.

I don’t wish to watch you again
As my eyes asleep for you are.
I’d rather stay like this, burning,
And wait for the next star.

I figured that this year my tree will be gold and red, so I bought these for starters:

naming the things that I wish for.

So, you see, I am a good girl, Santa. Please bring me someone to

The funny part was when I signed up. I had to choose what I was: designer or developer. And it got me thinking, what am I really? I know that if anyone would ask me, I’d say UI Engineer, cause that’s the title of my job. But that gives no answer to my question. I’d say that as a web designer you’re a bit of both. So considering that in the last few months I’ve been giving myself headaches with Javascript and XMLHttpRequests, I said developer. It took me half an hour to make up my mind though.

The conference started with Joshua Davis‘ presentation, whose artwork I already knew as being great. What I didn’t know was that he is a great speaker as well. I sensed in him the same joy and passion about his work as I do about mine. Sometimes when I get to make something to work or look the way I want to, I would jump around like a child and laugh. That’s the same feeling I got from Joshua Davis. A breath of fresh air and an awakening view on inspiration. Some while ago I told someone that a photographer has to always keep a fresh view on everything, like a child - like he sees everything for the first time. Joshua Davis extended that to the design. Some people said that he showed the same art as some time ago. I say that no matter when his artwork was done, it’s still cool. That must be the beauty of art, you don’t get tired of it.

Other presentations that I enjoyed: Ryan Singer from 37 Signals talked about usability and then Andy Clarke, Josh Williams & Jeffrey Zeldman, sparkling as always, discussed where web design is going to ( and if it’s ever coming back). I did want to meet Zeldman, but when I saw him there I was absolutely dazed, I lost my voice and my ability to move.

Elliot Jay Stocks had a presentation on the so called “web 2.0 look”. While he said things that I totally agreed and even wrote about a while back, I think people need to move along from that trap. Instead of focusing on “what a designer shouldn’t do”, I think people should be more willing to talk about solutions and new means of inspirations to escape those pattern websites. I don’t think that web designers are stuck on that “look”, maybe we’re all just up to something, taking some time to discover the next hit.

The first kind are the ones who dream and fight for their dreams.With the good and bad, with their ups and downs, they fall and they stand tall again, remembering each time what they are looking for.

The second kind are the ones who had a dream, but somehow along the way they settled for a “half-dream” or “the next best thing”, as somebody told me long ago. And because a half-dream is never equivalent to a proper, full rendered dream, they crave illusions. And when they meet one, they take it as a granted property, a given, something that is meant to fill that gap in their half-happy life. What is an illusion? Well, an illusion is somehow the same as a dream. Somehow the same. The difference is that an illusion will never become your full time dream for several reasons.
First reason would be that no matter how exciting an illusion might be, a half-dream is far more real because it’s right next to you.
The second reason is fear. Of the unknown. With an illusion they would have to start all over again, from the first steps, from the very first gestures and build again everything from scratch. And what if they lose? What if their illusion will turn out being not more than the current half-dream? Imagine the disappointment of someone who treasures more the destination than the road to it.
The third reason would be possession. Because they own the illusion, because it’s meant to be there for them whenever and only when they need it. So there is no real point in transforming it into something more demanding, more challenging and life changing.

You might say that the illusions and the half-dreams might be two different kinds of their own. Well, no. You see, illusions and half-dreams can have dreams themselves. And they can become somebody’s whole dream someday.

And that’s what I dream of. That someday I’ll be someone’s full time dream. And that he’ll be my breath-taking, earth-shaking, heart-flying whole dream.

Here are a few of the photos taken. Click on them or here for more.

A few hours later I ran out of cigarettes. So I went across the street, with the rain accompanying me. I didn’t run. I just walked and may I say I kinda enjoyed it. What can I say, a girl needs some rain now and then. A few people in the front of the store, trying to stay dry, looked at me like I was a nut case. Maybe I was. Maybe we all are. Nut cases one way or another. What seems normal to you might be extremely awkward to me and vice versa. So where is the point where you can say you trust your judgment? When can you be sure that your mind isn’t playing tricks on you the same way you think it plays tricks on the others?

Where is the point when you can say: “Hey, my taste in art is impeccable! And what you have here is not art…”Or when can you proclaim your boat floaters as being genius works? What does it take to get there? Is it education? Can you actually say that after you learn the theory you can also critique the very soul of it? After you critique the execution, what piece of knowledge entitles us to comment upon the feeling?

Do we go with the trend, learn from the others what we are supposed to like and what not or do we actually find those judgments in a corner of our minds, pure and unaltered by public opinion?
If so, where do those pure ideas come from, are we born with them? Is each and everyone of us a possible standards/trend setter? And if we are following trends, isn’t there a chance, at least a very feeble one that we might be wrong, as probably I was about that old lady who loves her dog so dearly that she prefers to protect him instead? Cause you know, I just love the way rain feels now and then.

1. My love for the web started through IRC, some 7 years ago. Yes, I’m still addicted to IRC. In fact I met a few of my real life friends through IRC. Then about 6 years ago I discovered Dreamweaver and started learning html, then javascript, then I turned to css.
Now I’m much worse:)

2. I love the smell of strawberries and fresh made coffee in the morning.

3. I used to play piano when I was in primary school. I gave it up after four years as I understood I wasn’t the best pianist out there. But it helped me a lot broadening my taste in music. I also attended 1 year of Law School. I gave it up for the same reason, I wouldn’t have been the best lawyer out there. But then again, it helped me broaden my taste in politics:)

4. My other passion beside coding is American literature, in which I have a BA degree. Funny thing how after 1 year of Law School and 4 years of intense study of literature I ended up loving coding.

5. I love New York for it is the most awakening experience for me (until now at least). It made me realize how many things I have yet to learn, do and see.

Oops, almost forgot I think I should “trick” other people into sharing 5 of their secrets. So Joshua Jenkins, Lostinbeta: you’re next:) And soulty, simp and Digitalosophy, get a blog guys and start writing:P